Can you be a mom and study at the same time an international academic program like EMTM? Is it even possible to keep following your academic and career goals when being a single mom? Yes, you can! Statia, our amazing EMTM mom from Trinidad and Tobago, gives her account of what it takes to grasp the opportunity and be a role model for her son. She opens up her heart and tells us her story about the fight against her self, and against the social stigmas in her society, about how her son motivated her and EMTM classmates supported her. It was a loop of faith, but Statia would do it over, every time again! There isn’t a more fitting name for my EMTM blog contribution than “Out of the mouth of babes”. “Babe”? You may ask. Yes babe! There is a passage in my bible that says “ Out of the mouth of babes, the Lord ordains strength”. His name is Caelen, my 4 year old son who initiated, rather, motivated my application for this amazing journey (EMTMlife). In one of our “adult” conversations he asked in a very calculated manner and adult tone; mummy, when are you going back to school? The deadline was quickly approaching, and I battled tremendously with the decision to submit my application. I mean, what kind of mother leaves her four years old son to journey half way around the world to study? Who will take care of him while I’m away? Is it financially and academically feasible to travel from country to country every four months with him? Can’t I study tourism in Trinidad and Tobago? Or even the Caribbean? Off course I could have. Conventional wisdom dictated that I should have. But! If I don’t apply, how do I fulfill my academic and career goals? And fulfill my parental obligation to my son, the love of my life? EMTM afforded me the ‘best’ opportunity to achieve, not only my goals, but my most pertinent parental obligation i.e. to teach Caelen by example how I strived, persevered, believed regardless of critics, obstacles, failures, despite every bone and fiber in my body saying, “Statia it’s okay to settle”. Believe me, the obstacles were great, the road tumultuous, but at the end of the tremendous battle occurring in my mind I could not ‘settle’ into the conventional single parent cycle of dependence and blame. That would benefit neither me nor my son. The truth is, I only aspired to be a role model to my son, but as fate would have it… I would be a role model to other single parents (moms) who contacted the EMTM coordinator to find out about my experience. I only wanted to debunk from my son’s mind the perceptions, gossip and the stigma perpetuated by my community and family, “that I was a failure” “a single mother with no prospect”, “a shame to my family” and so much more. I didn’t want to be that woman who had a wealth of opportunities and squandered it, because society purports my social status, single mom, should result in the demise of my academic and career goals. I believe and I do because my God who is always with me, will strengthen me. If I can do it, surely any single parent with the right support can too. You will only know how strong you are; when being strong is all you have, when being strong is the only means to your end. So, decision time arrived, December 10, 2013, the deadline for non-EU submission of applications, and I decided to be unconventional, as I clicked the ‘submit’ button, I cried… laughed … danced… hoped….I prayed.... for this opportunity, for sanity (I’m cracking up here, only a parent will understand), and safety for both of us during this journey. On Carnival Tuesday, March 3rd, 2014 the anticipated email came….Oh how my son and I rejoiced…We danced…Hugged…skipped… we were both ecstatic. We were so happy, never did the pain of our impending separation occur to us. I remembered on July 25th having to let go of his hand at the airport…. The fear in his eyes and the pain in my heart I will never…ever forget.
The first semester was difficult, to say the least. I cried everyday to the point where breathing hurt. I missed my son….I missed Caelen…. and I didn’t know how to be happy without him, even though I was in the company of 32 really awesome people. So I stayed to myself. I didn’t know how to connect with my classmates. I mean…. What do I tell them? In the word of my classmate Brandy, I felt “socially awkward”. Then I started to hang out with Eh from Thailand, Iva my ‘DIVA’ classmate from Bulgaria. Jeff, he showed me around Kolding…he even helped me pick out my new phone and computer. We cooked, ate and partied together and I loved every second of it. I was learning…adapting… slowly coming to a compromise… I CAN BE a great mom (EMTMom), despite the distance which separated us and I didn’t have to feel guilty for having fun too. The compromise was this, every morning before leaving for school Caelen would call for us to pray and for me to wish him an awesome day. After school, he would call so I could assist with his homework; then, before bed he would call again, ‘cause’ it was time for bedtime stories. This became our routine, it may not be optimal, but I could live with it. The second semester was hectic but fun. I don’t know how (I) managed to balance a very intense academic program, ITB, ITHAS, parties and my duties to my son. Ljubljana was great! I can safely say LJU was my best experience thus far, though I have positive emotional connection with all three destinations. Ljubljana’s central location made it easy to travel to Croatia (with Jiayuan), Prague and Berlin (with Jeff and Hazel), Munich, Austria……It was at LJU that I connected with the beautiful Chinese ladies, Joy, Jiauyuan, Lining, Hazel and my Iranian darling Shima; we all partied together in my room on Friday, with the afterparty at Topsix, Circus or Companeros. OHHH the party troubles I’ve seen…. Shima losing her purse along with her residence permit at Topsix a week before ITHAS, and then Massimo, Shima and I spent the entire night till 6 o’clock searching through Garbage at Topsix to find it (hahahahaha!). ITHAS was the highlight of my EMTM experience because it afforded me the opportunity to expand my academic and social network… meeting tourism colleagues and scholars from Germany, Oman, Finland, Zagreb Croatia, Israel…. It was amaaazing! The bonds that i’ve created with my classmates, the lessons i’ve learnt, the impression i’ve made on my son and other single mothers, the renewed hope and expectations that young women from my community and the Caribbean region have now, simply because I clicked the ‘SUBMIT’ button on December, 10, 2013, is more than I ever hoped for. EMTM has exceeded my expectations. I will cherish every moment, every lesson, every single one of you, and the brilliant future that an EMTM education affords us. I love you all ….. I will miss you. Now the moment I dread more than anything is when I have to let go of 32 hands I’ve held for the past two years. Creole dialect for see you later (likkle more)
15 Comments
Brandy
1/2/2016 02:48:38 pm
Statia you are the best mom in EMTM history <3 I admire your strength, your determination, your compromise and your faith in God!
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Statia
1/12/2016 03:54:09 am
I love you Brandy!
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Hector John
1/3/2016 05:40:35 am
My Trini Sister,
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statia
1/12/2016 03:52:43 am
My Dominican brother, Thank you! Dominica is luck to have you as a steward and future leader.
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Crystal
1/3/2016 10:05:40 am
Statia I am so proud of you!
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statia
1/12/2016 03:50:04 am
Thank you Crys!
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kamille king
1/5/2016 04:24:47 am
U know even when we were kids, u have always been my role model, because u follow ur heart and that is never easy to do. I love u cuz , may God continue to richly bless u.
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statia
1/12/2016 03:48:54 am
Thank you Kamille! My best cousin .... just kidding, I love you all.
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David
1/8/2016 10:22:58 am
Thank you for sharing Statia! Be sure to know that everyone at EMTM knows what a great mum you are! :)
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statia
1/12/2016 03:46:32 am
Thank you David. This means a lot.
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Xavi
1/8/2016 11:10:10 am
Statia, I lived the application process from the Consortium's side and now that I read how did you feel and what did you think back then I'm transported into the past an reinterpret it from your point of view. Reading your story I'm deeply touched in the best positive way :-) Thank you! You and your son can be proud of each other! :-) Congratulations, Statia, for everything you have achieve so far and all the best for your future endeavours! :-)
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statia
1/12/2016 03:44:07 am
Thank you Xavier! That's why my application was one of the last to arrive. Lol
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Janne
1/9/2016 08:40:38 am
A very beautiful and powerful story of co-creating knowledge, personal dedication and the beauty of Tourism Higher Education. I would love to share this link, if you approve, Statia.
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statia williams
1/12/2016 03:42:18 am
Thank you Janne! I'm happy to share.
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